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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Rating system explained

Most product reviews rate an item by giving it a ranking between 1 and 4 stars. The premise being that most stuff is good but some stuff is better than other stuff. What fantasy world do these people live in? I say most of the stuff that you and I spend our hard earned money on is garbage. Even if it's manufactured well (rare given how inexpensive it is to manufacture goods in China), it's probably designed poorly.

Disagree? When was the last time you had something repaired other than your home or automobile? When was the last time something you owned broke and you didn't just throw it away and get a new one? Cell phones - disposable, VCR's and DVD players - disposable, TV's and computer monitors - disposable. Almost everything we buy today is disposable and as such, almost everything we buy today is made as cheaply as possible, not as well as possible.

This whole situation warrants a different perspective. The things we buy should be rated based on how crappy they are. Ditch the stars. You're not in kindergarten anymore. Things should be rated by steaming piles of crap.

0 steaming piles = not crap:
This is a rare honor to be bestowed on only the finest products currently available on the market.

1 steaming pile = crapolicious:
These products were clearly developed by motivated people who knew what they were doing. Unfortunately, unrealistic deadlines, shoddy project management, and/or overbearing marketing departments have messed up what could have been a fantastic product.

2 steaming piles = crapperful:
These products were designed by people that cared a little about the product, manufactured by people who cared a little about the people who designed the product, and marketed by people who had no clue what the product was actually meant to do in the first place.

3 steaming piles = craptastic:
The people who developed this product would be criminally liable in a perfect world. They cranked out a knock-off of a product that never really worked in the first place but made it look attractive enough to sucker people into buying it.

4 steaming piles = crapnotic:
In a perfect world, anybody attempting to sell one of these products would be struck dead on the spot. If not by a lightning bolt from God, then from overwhelming shame.

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